Hi,

I’m curious about YOU, things like are you married?  If so, how is your marriage?  The marriage aspect is important to me because I am very happily married.  I have found that more and more married women are coming to me and asking me for the Secret of My Successful Marriage. How is it that I am more in love with my husband today then when I married him over seventeen years ago?

My passion is to bring the awareness of love back into every woman’s life.  Love for herself, her life and her marriage. This is where I need YOU, tell me what you want in your life.  What do you struggle with in your marriage?  To make it simpler for you to share yourself with me I have created a survey and am inviting you to take a few minutes to provide me with information about YOU.  CLICK HERE for Secrets of a Successful Marriage Survey.

Help ME, Help YOU!

Thank you so much and I look forward to your response.  All of this information is confidential and will only be viewed by myself.  I want to gather all the information to see what are some of the common themes, issues, and challenges that women are dealing within their marriage.  I’ll keep you posted on my findings, so keep checking my blog to see what I discovered.

My goal is to develop products and programs that will help you turn your issues and challenges into opportunities and bring more love to your life - especially in your marriage.

Lovingly Yours, Susan

Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness
Relationship expert shares secret of self-worth for “I Want To Make You Happy” Day

Los Angeles - February 27, 2009 - In recessions, many women who are married are struggling to keep marriages happy and content and many think the way to survive this is to do whatever he wants but according to one marriage expert, the opposite is true.

“Women tend to over compensate by spending. Spending is a coping mechanism for dealing with stressful times, and they think other people want that “stuff” too,” says Susan Birmingham, founder of www.esteemprinciple.com.  “You don’t have to spend a cent to create the sense of security, happiness and really being happy. You can eliminate the fear, create the feeling of safety and security, and enhance the positive feelings not only about yourself, but about your spouse and  your marriage.”

In honor of “I Want You To Be Happy Day” on March 3, Birmingham shares five secrets to being happy without spending a lot of money:

1.    When you wake up in the morning, the very first thing one should think is “What can I do to make my husband happy today.” Also, make a decision to make yourself happy.
2.    Go and greet your husband in a loving, kind way.  Say “good morning” and give him a kiss – even if he has morning breath.
3.    If he eats at home, what is his favorite breakfast?  Make it for him. If he doesn’t eat at home, send a note to him that shares how much you love him via email, text, voicemail, or handwritten.
4.    Plan an unexpected random act of kindness for him.  Look the part of being happy. - part of that is feeling pulled together. When you look nice, you feel nicer.
5.    Before he comes home, create the atmosphere you want to enjoy with him.

Birmingham says that it’s all in the little things that create the ambiance of happiness. “When you live the experience, he will want to be a part of it,” she says. “And it doesn’t cost you anything.”
Susan Birmingham is a certified life coach who helps married women to overcome obstacles, rediscover themselves and re-ignite the fire and passion in their marriage.  By working one to one and group coaching, she provide tools, tips  and techniques that women use to celebrate their own lives in order to create life-long, stable relationships. For more information visit www.esteemprinciple.com.

###
Contact:
Susan Birmingham
Founder, Esteem Principle
Phone number – (562) 230-8608
Email address – Susan@SusanBirmingham.com

Here is an article that I wrote for a blog last week. Bear with me, after you read the one I wrote for the blog keep going and find out what I discovered.

For Valentine’s Day Give the Real Gift of Love AND It’s FREE - By Susan Birmingham

Thinking of what to give your loved one for Valentine’s Day?  Think back to when you first met.  How did you feel when your first saw him?  When did you know that you loved him?  When did you know “he” was the one?  What were the feelings you had?  What thoughts were running through your mind?  Let him know how you feel on the most celebrated “love” day, Valentine’s Day.

Once you have reminded yourself why you married him now give him the greatest gift - a love letter.  Yes, write your special someone a love letter.  All you need are your thoughts, memories, feelings, paper and pen.  This is a gift from the heart and it is absolutely FREE, costs you nothing and gives you both everything.

Let him know what he does that curls your toes.  Let him know how you feel when you think about him now.  Tell him what he means to you in your life.  Tell him all the things you may have never said but have thought and felt.  Make this Valentine’s Day the best one you have ever had, that’s what love can and will do for you if you let it.  So go ahead, throw caution to the wind, spill you guts and really let him know that he is your One and Only!  Seal it with a kiss and give it to him with a hug.  You are both going to reap the benefits!
At the beginning of the week I shared this article with one of my coaches during our session.  Ironically enough I was working on my own self-esteem and how I have been keeping myself from becoming more visible and taking my business to the next level.

As I wrote the above article I was thinking about when I first met my husband and fell in love, the same feelings flooded me as though it had just happen.  But it didn’t, I met and fell in love with my husband eighteen years ago.  That is how powerful JUST THE THOUGHT OF LOVE IS.

In order to move me forward my coach suggested that I write a love letter to myself.  Let myself know how much I love me and what I think about me - WOW, I had never thought of that before.

The quality of all our relationships are directly related to how we feel about ourselves.  So I agreed to do it.

What would it be like to tell myself how much I love me?  To let me know how much I love all the things I do?  To really write how I feel about who I am?  WHAT WOULD I WRITE?  It is easy for me to tell myself all the things that I do wrong and how I have failed.  So I put it off until today.

The result was not an ego trip, it was a deep appreciation for the woman that I have become over the years and that I am today.  I gave myself permission to acknowledge who I am, what I do and how I live my life.   This was an eye opener, a great exercise and a tremendous esteem booster.

Surprisingly enough once I wrote the first few sentences it was amazing how much I had to say.  There is something that is transformative about being able to acknowledge and love yourself.

When you love yourself you are able to love others and to be loved.

When was the last time you wrote a love letter?

Have you ever written one to yourself?

How would you feel if you received a love letter from the one you love?

Try it, write one and see what happens.  I would love to hear from you, share your story with me.

Do you feel that once Valentine’s Day is over and so is the expression of love?  If you answered YES then I want to let you know - YOU can change that forever starting today!

This Valentine’s Day I returned home after a 10 day trip.  My lovely husband picked me up at the airport and arranged for a wonderful brunch with our nephew and niece (his wife).  She is five months pregnant and it was awesome to spend time with the “3″ of them.

We then drove home and there were two dozen roses along with a beautiful card waiting for me as I walked in the door.  It was wonderful to feel the love that my husband shows me.  I had a card for him too so we both were feeling the love.

Here is a small bouquet that I made from the big one to put on my desk

He gave me a dozen red roses and a dozen of yellow roses, because he liked how they looked.  He didn’t know that Red Roses stand for: Love, Respect, Courage and Yellow Roses: Joy, Gladness, Freedom, Friendship…

The bouquet of roses sums up our marriage; it is filled with love, respect, joy, gladness, friendship and freedom all woven together with the yarn of courage to show up every day.

This made me think about why don’t people live their life as if every day is Valentine’s Day, not just once a year?

Start today and ask yourself “What are you going to do to show the people most important to you in your life how you love them everyday?”

There are way more than five secrets to a successful marriage. As I started thinking
about what it takes to have a successful marriage these are the top ones that came
to mind; prayer, respect, honesty, trust and loyalty.

Secret #1 – PRAYER

One of the secrets of my successful marriage is prayer. When was the last time that you prayed about your marriage? Whatever form of prayer you choose it is a viable part of a marriage. I am not talking religion here I am talking about quiet time, contemplative thought. How often do you quietly and purposefully think about your life much less your marriage?

I pray everyday in a variety of ways. I start my day off with purposeful prayer; this entails spiritual readings, talking with God and then listening. When I reflect on what I read it gives me the opportunity to apply it to my life for that day. When I say my prayers to God I thank Him for the relationship of marriage that I do have with my husband. I view the relationship as a sacred one and hence respect the sacredness of it. I also ask Him to bless my husband and be with him throughout his day. You can never go wrong when you are praying for someone else.

My husband and I are both early risers so it allows us the opportunity to also say our prayers together. It is true – “A family that prays together stays together”. There is a closeness that prayer brings to people, especially a husband and wife. We are asking God to be with us throughout our day and in our marriage in every way. This is truly an “insurance” policy for the day and a great way to invest in your marriage and future.

Secret #2 – RESPECT

I have tremendous respect for my husband. I respect the man that he is, his values and the principles by which he lives his life.

In order to respect your husband you must first respect yourself. Ask yourself this question “How do I feel about myself today?” Be honest when you answer. Are you living your life in accordance with your values? When you live your life according to what you value you have a much greater chance of feeling good about yourself and you respect yourself.

This is also about self-esteem. We all have a sense of self, the question is to what level on the “Esteem O’Meter” are you currently regeristing? The better you feel about yourself, the higher your self-esteem. When you respect yourself it is so much easier to respect those around you. Respecting yourself helps support your boundaries and the way that you allow people to treat you.

People recognize self-esteem and they respect you for the ability to handle yourself and your life with dignity. Hence they will treat you with respect. We really do attract that which we fell about ourselves. Another way of saying this is “We attract what we are.” So if you respect yourself then you will attract a respectful person into your life.

You may think this is fine and good but what if you aren’t married to someone who respects you or treats you with respect? My answer is - it starts with you first. When you start to treat yourself with respect your life and marriage will change. It may not be easy at first however hang in there, in the long run your life will improve for the better.

Secret #3 – HONESTY

Honesty and Respect are like best friends walking hand and hand. Honesty is an essential piece for any marriage to be healthy. This means really telling the truth to you first, honesty in your feelings, thoughts and actions.

I remember when I was first married, maybe only a few months. My husband and I had some bills that we wanted to pay off so I agreed that I would not spend money on anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary for a period of time. Well I had gone to visit my best girlfriend of who lived in Burlingame, CA. Now this is where I had grown up and there is a store there that I have always loved. Sure enough I found myself in that store and before I knew it I had bought $500.00 worth of clothes, YIKES.

When I got back to my girlfriends I knew that I have violated the agreement that I had made with my husband. I was justifying my purchases in my mind; “they were really good quality clothes that were on sale, I saved so much money, when I was single I could buy what I wanted, etc.” My mind was having a field day thinking up things to make it “OK” not to tell him what I had done and in fact lie if necessary.

Well that night he called, as I knew he would. The whole time I was talking to him my brain was telling me all the things it had previously dreamed up to say. I found myself not listening at all to what my husband was saying. I was really feeling the pressure to do the right thing. Before I could stop myself I blurted out “I bought $500.0 worth of clothes today.” I was scared, I didn’t know what he was going to say or do.

He totally surprised me, he didn’t yell, he didn’t even try to make me feel bad. What he did do was remind me of our agreement, asked that I respect it and that it will take us now a bit longer to achieve our goal of being debt free. He didn’t ask me to return anything, thank God because I really loved everything I got. What he did do for me was give me a beautiful gift – the gift of safety. He let me know that it was OK to tell him the truth, no matter what it was. I will never forget this important lesson; the greatest reward always comes from doing the right thing.

Secret #4 – TRUST

If you don’t have trust you don’t have anything. How many times have you heard that phrase? When you have trust in your relationship you feel safe. I always wanted to feel safe and never did, that is not until I met my husband. In years past I could not trust myself to choose a trust worthy man. I had a habit of picking emotionally unavailable men; they did not want to fully commit themselves to me. As I learned that I wanted more for myself than the “I love you on Tuesdays and Saturdays” type of men I started to attract men who wanted more too. It was then that I met my husband, who wanted the same thing that I did – a committed relationship with the end product to be marriage. That is where our relationship ended up, married, now for almost 18 years.

I trust that my husband will do what he tells me he is going to do. Just how did that come about? Trust came about as a result of consistency, his words and actions matched. It took me in actuality the first year of my marriage to feel as though I could really trust him.

Conversely I had become a trustworthy woman. When I was working in the corporate world I traveled quite a bit for my job. I would be gone for a week at a time, traveling across country, staying at the best hotels and always in the company of men. Never once did I ever give my husband any reason to not trust me. I have been faithful in every way since the day that I met him. Since I felt as though I could trust myself I began to realize that I could trust him too.

Secret #5 – LOYALTY

When you have a best friend you want them to be loyal to the friendship. My husband is my best friend. Loyalty means that they have your back, no matter what, and you have their back too. Loyalty also means that you NEVER talk about your friend behind their back. Nor let anyone say anything negative about them.

When your marriage is based on love and being best friends the bond you create is one made of an unbreakable force, loyalty. Loyalty means that you are there through thick and thin, as it says in many wedding vows. Loyalty and commitment are intertwined much like the vines and the branches of a tree.

Other synonyms for loyalty are; trueness, faithfulness, fidelity, staunchness, steadfastness. A great quote that I love is from Michael Jordan - “The game is my wife. It demands loyalty and responsibility, and it gives me back fulfillment and peace.”

Wrap all these 5 Secrets up into one package and you get the greatest gift you will ever have in your life - a marriage that is based on a foundation of faith, comprised of mutual respect, honesty is one of the commandments, trust is the backbone and loyalty is it’s best friend.

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to wake up everyday:

• feeling great about who you are and what you do everyday?
• being grateful for the love you have in your life and wanting to do what it takes to make it even better?
• know that you are on the right path for you and your mate/family?

After many years of work, I am thrilled to say that I do wake up every morning feeling this way!  I am thrilled with the life that I have been able to create and grateful for the opportunity I have to help other women feel the same way!  How did I do it?  Read on - I did it by putting my ESTEEM Principle to work for myself.

My ESTEEM Principle is designed so that women are able to look at their lives from a different perspective, shifting paradigms and ultimately creating the life they really want.  Building self-esteem is one of the keys to walking through the fear of inadequacy and paves the way to become powerful beyond measure.  Here is the break down of the ESTEEM Principle.  Taking these steps lays the foundation from which to build the life of your dreams.

By doing these steps you will;
•    Be perceived as beautiful by men
•    Walk into a room and command the attention of every man
•    Attract the “ideal man” into your life
•    Create the “ideal marriage” that you really want in your life
•    Manifest the “ideal job” for you
•    Discover the spiritual peace you yearn for

EMBRACE CHANGE- The first step is to recognize if something needs to change in your life.  This is not always easy; sometimes it takes one of those “Awakening Moments”.  It is that wake up moment that we all have at some time in our lives, where we either change and grow or stay and wither.

The Chinese symbol for Change is also the symbol for Opportunity.  This is not new thinking it has been around for thousands of years.

Or maybe you are going through a change, either at the beginning of it or smack dab in the middle of it.  The thought of Embracing it may never have crossed your mind and frankly does not sound desirable.  The fact is that change itself is not what causes pain; it is the resistance to change that causes our pain.  There is also a saying “What you resist, persists.”

Try something new - Embrace Change, it just might make you feel better.  There is one constant - everything is always changing.

STRENGTHEN VALUES - There are so many different types of values.  Here are just eight categories of values;
1. Self value
2. Spiritual values
3. Personal qualities
4. Image values
5. Your most highly valued resources
6. Lifestyle values
7. Power values
8. Attitude values

What are your values?  When was the last time you thought about what you value? How well are you currently living your life in alignment with what you value?  Once you become clear on what you value AND you start to living your life aligned with these values, your life will improve for the better dramatically.  You cannot help but feel good about yourself and increase you level of esteem.

THINK DREAMS - Let your mind really start to dream.  Give yourself permission to dream your dreams.  Like when you were a child.  Release all restrictions in your mind and allow the dreams to flow.  Frequently we have become so involved in living our lives we have forgotten what are dreams even were, much less what they currently are.

Without dreams there is so much less meaning to our lives.  The simplest dream can seem the most out of reach.  I remember my first dream that I had as a young woman, it was to have loving marriage.  At the time I had never even had a healthy relationship with a man.   I had already been married once and divorced and did not want to do that again.  I had no idea how that could ever come true, but I just allowed myself to dream of it.

My dream has come true!  I have the most loving relationship and marriage to the man of my dreams for over seventeen years.  You must first have the dream!

ENVISION GOALS - Goals are something that we use to measure progress.  They are the measurable means used to help our dreams come true.  Goals are really taking your vision / your dream and combining it with action.

Once you set your goal, then develop strategies to help you achieve it.  There are short term and long term goals.  Learn to set SMART goals.  These are goals that are;
•    Specific
•    Measurable
•    Authentic
•    Resonate
•    Thrilling

What ever the goal, once achieved it is a tremendous esteem builder and perpetuates the feeling of self-worth.

EMULATE SUCCESS - How do you want to be successful?  What does success mean to you? Once you determined what it means to you and have it in you mind then seek out people that have what you want.

Example - If you want to have a successful marriage then find someone who already has that, ask them what is their secret.  If you don’t know anyone who has a successful marriage then make it a point to find them.  Hire a coach (like me), read a book, take a workshop.  First you set your intention - then what ever resources you need, you will attract.

Whatever it is that you want success in; love, money, spiritual peace or just life in general - Emulate someone who is already successful in that area.

MOTIVATE - Nothing happens by just sitting around saying the “If only’s”.  Things happen when you are into action, when you are Motivated.

When you feel stuck and almost paralyzed, if you will merely get up and do something, any thing, your attitude will change and you will feel better.  It can be as simple as get up and wash a glass.  I heard this saying years ago and just loved it “Move a muscle and change a thought”.

By working through the previous five steps of The ESTEEM Principle prior to Motivate, you can not help but become motivated before you realize it.

Motion creates energy.  Everything derives from energy.  Love is energy.  Money is energy.  When you constrict the flow of energy you get stagnation.  When you open the flow and get into motion you create energy and with it forward motion toward the life of your dreams.

Motivation is very contagious, people are attracted to those that motivate them.  So Motivate and you will motivate others.

By Embracing Change, Strengthen Values, Thinking Dreams, Envisioning Goals, Emulating Success and Motivating I took an unhappy fearful woman (me) from feeling inadequate and lonely to living a happy, fulfilled life.  Today I have a successful marriage, I never feel lonely and I do not fear life.  I live an ESTEEM filled life feeling better about myself than ever before!

It is your turn.  Take the steps.  What do you have to loose?  What do you have to gain?

Become ESTEEM filled and feel better about YOURSELF than ever before.

ESTEEMly Yours -

Susan

Have you experienced a Break UP?

Do You Want to Turn a Break Up into a
Break Through and Beyond?

Join me Wednesday, January 21st for a free teleseminar with Eris Huemer, Life Coach, Author and Speaker, for a discussion about love and relationships and how you can turn a Break UP into a celebrated event allowing you to find the love of your life.

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
6:00 p.m. PST / 9:00 p.m. EST

Sign up here and you will receive your call-in details by email in just a few minutes.

Eris Huemer is a relationship counselor and coach. She is the author of the books, “Break-Up Emergency. A Guide To Transform Your Break UP Into A Break THROUGH,” and the E-Book “Break UP, Break THROUGH and BEYOND. In 7 Simple Steps.” And contributing author in the Amazon.com #1 Best Seller, “Thank God I… Stories of Inspiration for Every Situation”.

She is known as the relationship specialist who puts the REAL back into REALationship. Her unique take on the ups and downs, and ins and outs of relationships, helps guide people around the world toward making positive and lasting life change.  You can visit her site here.

Sign up here for your free call!

I am so excited about tonight’s call and starting out the New Year as the Leaders of Our Lives that I have decided to offer tonight’s Teleseries call to everyone as a special New Year’s gift. Please join me and Tracey Trottenberg tonight as we talk about:

* What do you want for your life in 2009?
* What is your vision?
* What actions are you taking?

TONIGHT- JANUARY 7TH, 2009
6:00 p.m. PST / 9:00 p.m. EST

Here is the call-in information!

Call-in Number: 1-219-509-8020
Participant Access Code: 593426

For more information on my “Are You Woman Enough?” Teleseries, click HERE.

I hope you will join Tracey and I tonight! Together we will start the New Year moving in the direction of our dreams!

ARE YOU WOMAN ENOUGH? TELE-SERIES

What do you want for your life in 2009?
What is your vision?
What actions are you taking?

Join me as I interview International Leadership Coach, Trainer and Speaker, Tracey Trottenberg. Tracey will discuss Feminine Leadership and show you how to “Set the Tone of Your Life by Becoming the Leader of Your Life.”

WEDNESDAY - JANUARY 7TH, 2009
6:00 p.m. PST / 9:00 p.m. EST

Take advantage of the New Year’s Promotion - Two months for the price of one $9.97
(A $97.00 Value)

International Leadership coach, trainer and speaker, Tracey Trottenberg is a Management Consultant for Leadersearch Inc, a leadership development coaching company. Her passion and commitment is to empower women entrepreneurs and those within corporations to lead from their authentic, feminine core.

Having coached and trained over a thousand entrepreneurs, executives and managers, Tracey believes that “the impact a leader has on herself, her team and the bottom line success of her business is directly tied to how she shows up, every day and in every interaction. Leadership is about bringing out the best in yourself and others, particularly during these economic times!”

The Founder of Amazing Women International Inc, an organization that empowers, educates and connects women leaders, Tracey has worked in the US, Canada and the Caribbean. Working with teams, diverse groups or one on one, she provides an exciting, direct and results-oriented speaking and coaching style.